She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
