Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
