Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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