I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
