I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
