Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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