He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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