This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
