I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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