Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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