you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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