I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
