Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
