Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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