My room smells like vodka and shame
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
