i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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