Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
