Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm at about main and main street
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
