just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
