I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
