I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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