My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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