I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize