I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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