we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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