4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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