Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
