she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
