She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
