this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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