I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
