i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
