I wish I could punch you in the face.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
