He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
