for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
