So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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