Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
