you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
