Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize
