Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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