Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
