new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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