keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
