Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
