i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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