I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
