Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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