I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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