using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
