my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
