i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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