he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
