Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
