my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
