Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
