do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
