after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
