Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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