He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
