Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
