I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
