that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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