I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize