Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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