People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
