New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
