I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
