I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
