We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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