my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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