clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
