dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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