Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
