ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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