So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
