Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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