I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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