A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
