Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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