I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i already hear my dad disowning me
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
