I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
