Rock
Scissors
Fuck
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
