I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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