Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
home. puking in laundry basket.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize