I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
