Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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