i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
