my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
