hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Randomize
