If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
