I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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