I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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