Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
