I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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