idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I touched a dick in church today
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
